Neglect!

I've definitely neglected my poor blog these past few months, and never even finished posting about the rocks! I will certainly (hopefully) get around to posting the finished products- which was impressive! We've yet to start a new round of the rock polishing, mostly due to the noise, and the fact that someone (not naming names *cough* Miss T *cough*) lost interest halfway into the process, and was less than excited about the final product. I found it really neat though!

So, the big news!  June 9th I birthed a gorgeous 9lb 5oz baby girl! (shock and awe I know!)

I was almost a week overdue, and probably would have gone much longer if I didn't get a microscopic leak! I'm scared how large she would have been if I'd have gone an extra 6 days to my induction date. She's a great baby, which is good since she's number 4; and perfect in every way. She's growing like a weed, and my 'not-quite' 4 week old is already in size 2 diapers, and just about in 3-6 month clothing! She's certainly not listening to my demands that she stay little for as long as possible, and not to try to grow up so quickly! Rebellion starts early, hah.

I'm anxious to start working out again, which is most of the reason I'm trying to start blogging again, so I can chart my progress. I gained a ridiculous amount, which isn't surprising since I always gain a bunch; but I'm ready to really start shedding the pounds! I'm hoping to embark onto the p90x journey again - however, I need to research the caloric intake needed to do such a rigorous routine while breastfeeding. I'm also hoping my abdominal muscles have gone back together in order to work out at all! I guess if not I'll start doing exercises to help repair the diastasis first.

I've already dropped about 30lbs without doing much of anything except feeding my little darling, but still have about 15 to go until my goal weight for October. I've also been using a regimen of bio oil, and Arbonne's RE9 firming lotion beneath my belly binder to help avoid any postpartum pooch, and to aid in healing my stretchmarks. So far it's been impressive results! Everything is firming back up where it is intended to be, and my skin's smoothing out, and marks are fading! I'm only 2 weeks into binding since I didn't start until 2 weeks postpartum, and still have 8 weeks to go. I have no doubt the results will awe me even more by then! I've already dropped down 2 sizes in my binder, and seems very soon here I'll be dropping one more!

I'm also studying to enroll into college by September. I've got everything planned out, just awaiting the children's return (and start) to school. I don't foresee being able to get a whole lot of school work done (at least none I'd be proud of) while I have 4 children underfoot that all seem to need something around the clock. Best way to get your children to need you is to try and accomplish something for yourself. I take advantage of the late nights with the wee one to get my studying done, and so far so good. I'm feeling a lot of excitement to start on this new journey!

In other news - It's very soon that my divorce will be final! I must say I'm extremely anxious to have that chapter of my life legally closed. It's been a long time coming, and though there's still a slight sense of nostalgia when coming across old pictures, it's certainly awaited with a content heart. I take away from the past 8 years of my life a better sense of self, a higher confidence, and an extreme motivation to better myself for my children. I'm also taking away a better sense of what a true relationship requires. I have 0 doubt that my next relationship will be a healthier one because of it all. I choose to look at it as having been one of life's trials that teaches and molds you in preparation for better times. Implanted is a much deeper sense of appreciation for those that are there for me, respect me, and treat me right. Always a silver lining when you're coming out stronger than you went in! 

It is difficult, and extremely humbling to be starting over as a single mother of 4 children, but I have no doubt it's possible. It is hard at times to not feel like a failure since I currently do not have a career due to being a stay at home mother throughout my marriage, which is what was best for our family. However I have an excellent support group of family and friends that cheer me on, and pep me up when I'm ready to throw in the towel. They remind me constantly that starting over is hard, but that I'm capable of doing so. I'm reminded that I didn't go into the marriage expecting it to fail, so planning for this situation certainly wasn't on my to-do list. I did think of trying to secure a plan b towards the end, but felt that if I had prepared to be alone, I wasn't giving my all to the situation. - So here I am, now, starting over.

Nothing in life worth having, comes easy. All of it takes hard work, and dedication. Both of which I'm willing to give.

I have 4 amazing little people that make my world go 'round, and the days brighter. They are my reason for pushing on, and remaining optimistic. I hope they can look back and see that someday. There will be an extreme sense of pride once I get to where I need to be for them, and in the meantime I'm extremely thankful for the support and love of those around me.

I'm thinking of starting a new blog, with a new name, as a fresh start; and just let this one fall by the wayside, but that's still to be determined. I'll be sure to inform those of you that still read of the new name if I do go that route!

This has become a strange post, probably due to rushing through it so that I can start dinner, but it is what it is. With everything else going on, I'm okay with a strange entry of random thoughts.

'Til next time..